November 4, 2021 – Thursday
Today… I am surrendered!
I have a closet full of boy clothes my son has grown out of. My clothes have a story attached to them. It is not a story of nostalgia, but faith. In 2015 I was praying and asking the Lord what His plans were for our family. In my spirit I felt like there was one more child. I was praying and asking the Lord if I should be content with the two beautiful healthy babies He had already given me, as well as my two oldest (through marriage). As I sat there in the dark, I saw a vision a beautiful woman with long golden hair holding a baby and presenting him to me. He was a newborn swaddled in white, with a tiny patch of blue peeking out under his chin. After only a few seconds, the vision was gone. I had never experienced anything like that before – it was incredible. I knew it was from the Lord and that yes… there was indeed one more. What I didn’t know was how he was going to get here.
At the time of the vision, pregnancy felt like an unwise option for us due to my postpartum experience with my son. I am hoping to post the entire story soon. For those of you that may not know, I was diagnosed with MS in 2005. Up until my son was born, it was more than manageable. When he was three months old, it became unmanageable. Since that time it has been a long journey of faith, prayer, discovery and surrender. In short – God has shown up in the most miraculous ways and restored my body. I am on medication today and symptom free. To God be all the glory.
Over the years the Lord slowly revealed that the baby I saw in the vision would be adopted, and we laid down our desire to have one more of our own. It was a hard decision, but we knew God was in it. This summer we reached out to various adoption agencies to explore our options. After being told we were too old and had too many kids… we realized that we might not be able to go the traditional route of adoption either. Personally… being too old and having too many kids felt like the things that actually qualified me – so I couldn’t help but chuckle. We didn’t feel discouraged. It just puts us in a place of having to trust the Lord even more to do something that only He can do.
We have one closet fully dedicated to the baby clothes I have been saving for our promised baby boy. Each time my son outgrows his clothes, I have faithfully tucked them away for the baby I saw on that long ago night. On Sunday, October 24th, as my husband I were praying, I heard “free up your space, you’re going to need more than you know”. I felt a prompting in my spirit to give all the clothes I had been saving away. I first heard this message as we were leaving Colorado. At that time, I cut the clothes in half, but did not fully surrender (ugh!. Yet again… I struggled in the release. At the time He was calling us to follow Him out of Colorado… that was huge for me. Leaving all my baby clothes there was more than I was ready for. I know I should have, but I also know God will put them to good use here. I do try so hard to listen and obey.
I know right where the clothes are supposed to go. The story begins early summer as our family visited the Tabernacle Experience Youth for Christ sponsored in our area. It was a full scale replica of the tabernacle from the days of Moses. It was amazing! At that time that they gave us a flyer to preorder peaches (and pears) from Palisade, Colorado. My favorite! I was wondering how I was going to get my hands on Palisade peaches this summer living in the Midwest. God is so good to me! The peaches were a fund raiser to support their Teen Parent program. As we ordered my favorite peaches… I felt the Lord drawing me into the teen parent program. Today I am more than clear that they are the ones who need my baby clothes.
Yet again, God is calling me to lay down all the treasures I am holding, so that my arms will be open to receive the good gifts He longs to give me. In order to receive, we have to release. I saved these clothes out of faith, and now I am releasing them out of faith. It really isn’t all that different than Abraham’s story when he faithfully gave his promised child to the Lord (Gen 22).
What I have learned from experience is that God’s promises rarely look like what we think they will. The Kingdom of God is so backwards and upside down, compared to the ways of the world. Really, it is right side up and perfect… and it is us who need a heavenly perspective. We can never guess how God will fulfill His promises – we simply have to be willing to listen and obey. I know I heard the voice of Lord – now it is up to me what I do with it. Listening is only part of the journey.
It is hard to lay all my treasures down. It is vulnerable to stand empty handed and let go of our good plans. Thankfully I know God’s plans for me and my family are far greater than anything I could dream up in my own strength (Jer 29:11). He is such a good Daddy. I know I can trust Him, and that is why I will obey. After all – it is His promise I am waiting for.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jer 29:11, NIV)
Clothes are not the only thing I will surrender today. I will surrender my time. It wasn’t on my list of things to do today. But it was always on God’s. I feel like a yo-yo of surrender. I release and let it all go in one area, only to pick it up and pull it back somewhere else. I still have a lot to learn about standing with arms wide open. None the less… today I will lay it all down at His feet and trust Him with the rest.
We may not get to our “academic” subjects today… but what God is teaching my children is far greater. Learning to obey is caught, not taught. I know that my willingness to follow God is the most important lesson they can learn.
